How many of you have a high functioning Asperger syndrome with a rare combination called Fearful-avoidant ?

Here is a non exhaustive list of what I can really and honestly give right now : a journey to healing. I don’t expect anything more than understanding.

1- Accept my sacrifices and decisions without resentment, after all I made them.

2- Understand my attachment is fearful-avoidant style and heal it. Stop the endless loop.

3- Put down ego = accept I can be needy.

4- Make decisions from logic and emotion combined to stop activation / deactivation loop.

5- Be aware no one is responsible of my internal reactions and the chronic fear of losing myself.

6- Apply good intentions, stop rejecting from fear.

7- Stop the need of intense emotions to cope and sit with myself and feel the pain.

8- Stop the dynamic : very desperate/needy/deactivation/cold/detached/ and the loop again.

9- Be firm with myself, take life changing decisions can lead to resentment. Be aware of it before doing it.

10- Losing myself was maybe finding it = resolve the pattern that will repeat if I run away from it again.

11- Use Radical honesty = majority of suffering is caused by lying to myself and to others.

12- End on and off = accept i need help.

13- Do not disturb people inner peace when I have difficult moment I don’t know how to cope with. Stay away.

14- Break the pattern = in and out and in and the loop again.

15- Stop chasing high emotions to cope with the pain.

16- Wait to make decisions, not when I am on the edge of one of the extreme of activation/deactivation .

17- Don’t lock the room unlocked when I felt secure because of the loss and anxiety.

18- stop treating the symptoms = if am experiencing a trigger, I should not react the way I feel I should. Take time to find the root of that trigger.

19- stop applying constant solutions to symptoms. Find the root of the problem and discuss it. Heal it.

20- My need to be saved is understandable but there is no savior coming. No matter how far away I escape, I will never break the pattern until I heal it. There is no partner who will do that for me.

21- Accept to be changed through the process of loving someone.

22- Find where I end and where I begin. My boundaries.

23- Have a true mirror back with integrated decisions. And vis versa.

24- Never operate based on strategies, lay off the cards on the table.

25- Understand that we are responsible for our partner well being.

26- Don’t make generalisations during conflict.

27- wear my heart on my sleeves and express my needs. Be specific.

28– ….. not sure yet .. the list can continue.